Getting into a relationship is not always sunshine and rainbows. There will come a time that you will need to share a portion of your dark past. This could include traumatic encounters like sexual assault from a previous partner. It is important to remember that sharing your experience is not mandatory. You have to say only the things you would like your new partner to know. If in case you want to tell him/her everything, then you should know how to crack it gently so that he/she will become more accommodating and understanding.
Best Time To Talk About It
There is really no perfect timing in opening up your buried secrets to someone. But if it involves sexual offense or abuse, it is best discussed before the relationship moves on to a more sexually intimate setup. The right time to open up is when you feel that there is more trust between you and your partner, making you both understand each other on a deeper level.
Best Way To Open Up About the Assault
Always consider the time, place and ambiance of the situation before trying to open up about your past. Make your lover feel comfortable to listen and to take your story seriously. Tell them that this is not an easy thing for you to share, but you trust them enough to hear this important history of yours.
Best Words to Explain Your Past
Most sexual abuse survivors experience triggers while having sex. It is best to explain the situation to your partner, so they feel not at fault if it happens. It is best to discuss how you feel about these triggers and how they can support you. Emphasize that the triggers are not about them, and they did nothing wrong.
Also, explain to your lover that there will be instances that you’ll feel the need to talk about the assault again. Tell them the impact it caused you and how you coped with it. A supportive and understanding partner would understand your imperfections.
But before you move towards sharing a sexual assault story, think long-term about the relationship. Imagine going forward with the same person – is it something you like? If you agree, then do follow these tips to help you have an open mind when telling your story.